every day that’s granted to you is another chance to start over. consequences do follow as well as linger but in due time will fade. in this life there is no backspace or erasers that can clear the past but there is a type of “refresh”. with the rise and setting of the sun comes forgiveness and a new chance to change the path ahead.
every soul floating about in the fleshed cages provided at birth secretly plead for the same thing: love, happiness and a correction to all their humanly mistakes. but why is every simple mistake cried and begged to never have happened? why must me we be so ashamed of not always being capable of making the right choice or doing exactly what is expected of us? in a way our flaws are what really makes us who we are. anyone is capable of saying or doing the standards of what is “acceptable”. how we say no or even yes and what about, defines our very selves.
i’m aware of what is casted as perfection yet i choose to stick to the shadows. i’m weird, awkward and tend to be a little bitchy at times. every ounce of me has WRONG plastered all over it. i dye my hair the wrong color, my clothes don’t reign from hipster heaven or slut sanctuary. my nails always seem to be dirty and i just can’t break my addiction of eating everything i see. i fit perfectly into the definition of what most females would describe as “ew”. i’ll admit at one (very long) period of my life i actually cared what i was labeled or called by practically anyone who had the ability to see. oh, the joys of being a teenager.
going on my third year of adulthood and i finally feel like i’ve almost got it right. it’s been a long journey and i’m not even close to being through it all. with a new year comes new experiences, new faces, new decisions, new options.. but with new, lingers old mistakes. remebering all those times you’ve begged to that mystery in the sky for forgiveness.
some say we have a purpose in life, a plan if you will. i on the otherhand think otherwise. every second that passes there is always a choice. yes or no, this or that, etc. there’s time you should but choose not to and vice versa. to say “god has a plan for each and every one of us” seems, well, horrible. i don’t believe anyone was born to be murdered or die in a car accident. or even live a life in slavery of the historical or modern form.
modern slavery not sound familiar? you must already be a victim. i know for a fact that i am. i’m chained to this hellish way of life controlled by money, fairytale ideas and the belief that danger is around every corner. the thought of pain infliction or having something taken away from you plagues your every move.
life is temporary along with everything surrounding us. as said time and time again, live life to the fullest is what we should do. i chose to fear no man nor machine; i fear no height or depth; i fear no title or any combination of words jumbled together. if you don’t fear life, you won’t fear death.
trying to put my finger on this whole “love” thing is proving to be more complicated than i expected. i felt like it was something i wanted right now, something that would put me on a much happier path, yet as it’s handed to me i’m finding myself hesitating to accept it. so the big L word has been tossed my way and that crush like feeling is starting to dwindle i suppose. every minute of the day being called BABY…BABE….SWEETIE… instead of who i am is starting to take it’s toll on me. i’ve realized, although i’ve made that young mistake of taking those pitiful names too seriously before, just how empty they truly are. a relationship has yet to be established and i’m not sure what i’d say if it was presented to me. it’s immensely terrifying. i don’t believe in myself enough to believe in someone else at this moment in time. patience is all i can ask for but i will not stray from the path i set for myself not too long ago. i’ve grown up more than i realized. when the only person you have to rely on is yourself, your view of the world and what’s important changes dramatically. until someone who understands and has experienced that, i don’t think i can allow myself to let my heart fall in the hands of another. my time will come… eventually.
lacey renee walls.
missing for a minute but crawling out the shadows.
you say i’m a liar, i say you’re fucking shallow.
running from the truth in the eyes of your spies..
seems you’ve chosen your side.
grab a floaty babe, don’t want you drowning in their lies.
you say i’m playing you, i’m not being real, i haven’t been true.
but i’m sure all your homies i have dissed have some true stories to tell you.
throwing lines out about me like that white girl they’re used to.
a reputation has been following you but i turned the other way.
not gonna hold your past against you
but you heard what you did and not watching what you say.
my feelings for you have been real whether you believe it or not.
what you have yet to realize is
i wouldn’t have jumped into this shit if i was afraid of getting caught.
i have nothing to hide. never have, never will.
if you’re gonna stick with me, you should get used to having a girl that’s real.
i’ll be gone soon and you can choose to forget or hold on.
believe what i say, listen to my words
cause what if you found out everything they said was wrong?
lacey renee walls.