sometimes i’m like the only person i feel safe to tell it to
i’m locked inside a cell in me, i know that there’s a jail in you
consider this your bailing out, so take a breath, inhale a few
my screams is finally getting free, my thoughts is finally yelling through.
(Source: youtube.com, via nvmthebullshit)
for years i never stopped and thought about what i really wanted out of a relationship or what i longed for in another. i’ve dated the sweetest of guys and the biggest douche bags.. a broad spectrum of loves that just failed over and over. i’ve never been completely content with another but i realized that the problem was in myself. i wasn’t happy with many aspects of my life and i was completely lost in this crazy ass world… but i have finally found myself. i know exactly who i am, what i believe, where i want to go and how i’m going to get there.
i know i’m not ready for a specific commitment. i’m 20 years old and need to live alone and experience that limitless freedom. if i just so happen to cross paths with that perfect person for me, of course i’ll add them to the equation, but i shall not become hopeful. regrets are only a thing of the past.
i find myself daydreaming about my match made in paradise. someone that can sing to me when i’m down and i’m able to get lost in their voice. someone who shares and tolerates my erratic taste in musical preference. i need someone whom i can impose my writings upon and they actually take complete interest in. i need someone who can catch and hold my attention; who can keep me on my toes.
excitement is a key ingredient and without it our relationship would be bland. spontaneous trips and events would happen monthly. a love of nature and animals is a passion we’d share and my family would be just as important as theirs. an involvement in spirituality is a quality i’d love immensely. but of all things, a calming factor to ease my soul is one thing i’ll always be searching for. a love for me to cherish.. i’ll be ever so patient.
my goal is to not settle until i find the one who proves true to my heart. i refuse to develop a relationship my mind knows will fail. no wishful thinking, no hopes to be raised only to fall just as fast. a promise to myself and to the one i’ll end up with.. i await your embrace; no other will distract.
til then, i’ll be lost in wonderland.
lacey renee walls.
from the first moment i conversed with you i had fallen head over heels.
your laugh, your thoughts, the way you carried yourself, everything. twas perfect.
i made you mine and i was truly yours. for months it was as perfect as the situation would allow our relationship to be. so far from me, but i didn’t care.
then i got a job.. our timing was thrown off. you were busy as was i.
my insecurities clashed with yours.
i found it frustrating all these girls were clawing at you trying to take you away from me. and i wasn’t even there to hold you in my arms. :/
i became resentful and angry. you were practically in my own backyard and i never heard even a whisper. you disappeared and left me wandering in the darkness alone.
i started to feel empty and didn’t understand why someone i cared for so much could simply push me to the back of what was important.
by the time you realized what was going on with me, i had drifted from you.
i was scared if i held on i’d end up getting crushed. i didn’t want to be hurt again so of course, like i always seem to do, i ran away.
one thing you didn’t know.. every fucking time you messaged or called me my heart was screaming to fall back in to your life. but i forced myself to resist. i convinced myself you were better off without me and i should just turn the other way.
but what i did was put a bandaid on a wound needing stitches. there has not been a day where you aren’t on my mind.
it’s been that way since day one and i’m pretty sure these thoughts aren’t going away anytime soon.
i’ve realized i shouldn’t have said anything. i should just keep my mouth shut like i’ve been doing. but i feel like i must get it off my chest. it’s honestly killing me inside.
the pain of knowing i can’t just look into that person’s eyes that i’ve had such strong feelings for and let them know there’s no one else out there for me is unbearable. we never had that chance to snuggle up on a cold night and making that memory last forever. we never had that chance to let our relationship blossom. i guess i feel like i have unfinished business. you were mine and i miss that.
don’t forget me love. don’t turn your back on what we once had. i’ll be in your own backyard soon enough. when you need me, i’ll be there. promise.
is it safe to say i miss you?
oh how you’ve been on my mind lately…
but i seen a video of you today; i seen the happiness in your face.
i realized how good your life is and how i’m not involved nor am i in the race.
all those times you told me your love for me would never die, i really took for granted.
now that it doesn’t exist, i feel what you have wished on me since we parted.
regret. so much regret.
now you are giving your love to someone who deserves it way more than i ever did.
but that doesn’t stop me from missing you.
oh these feelings i’m dying to rid.
i miss the way you’d call me everyday just to tell me you loved me.
and until now, that’s what i was blind to see.
i miss the way you’d sing to me because i loved your voice so.
now i can’t even gain a smile from my favorite song on the radio.
i miss the way you made me feel.
it was the only thing in my life that seemed to be real.
i miss our video calls because we were just too far apart.
but you never let me think anything but i was the holder to your heart.
i simply miss you.
i’ll always miss you.
we were always so perfect for each other.
you can never be compared to another.
your interests were exactly like mine.
just hearing your voice made everything fine.
something i haven’t experienced since our time together.
remember when we thought it would last forever?
everything about you was what i’ve always wanted.
but i really messed it up and now i’m being haunted.
towards the end of what we had, we began to grow apart.
i wouldn’t hear from you for ages and girls were trying to gain their start.
but even when i was insecure about myself, you did your best to show me happiness.
i know you have left me in the past, but these feelings i must confess.
maybe i’m just jealous of what you have now, but do you blame me to want what we never were able to achieve?
there were so many obstacles in our way, but i never wanted you to leave.
i wish you the best my friend.
i wish you the best..
i secretly wish you were mine again.
i know it will never happen again.
lacey renee walls.
