a light on false apathy.
from the first moment i conversed with you i had fallen head over heels.
your laugh, your thoughts, the way you carried yourself, everything. twas perfect.
i made you mine and i was truly yours. for months it was as perfect as the situation would allow our relationship to be. so far from me, but i didn’t care.
then i got a job.. our timing was thrown off. you were busy as was i.
my insecurities clashed with yours.
i found it frustrating all these girls were clawing at you trying to take you away from me. and i wasn’t even there to hold you in my arms. :/
i became resentful and angry. you were practically in my own backyard and i never heard even a whisper. you disappeared and left me wandering in the darkness alone.
i started to feel empty and didn’t understand why someone i cared for so much could simply push me to the back of what was important.
by the time you realized what was going on with me, i had drifted from you.
i was scared if i held on i’d end up getting crushed. i didn’t want to be hurt again so of course, like i always seem to do, i ran away.
one thing you didn’t know.. every fucking time you messaged or called me my heart was screaming to fall back in to your life. but i forced myself to resist. i convinced myself you were better off without me and i should just turn the other way.
but what i did was put a bandaid on a wound needing stitches. there has not been a day where you aren’t on my mind.
it’s been that way since day one and i’m pretty sure these thoughts aren’t going away anytime soon.
i’ve realized i shouldn’t have said anything. i should just keep my mouth shut like i’ve been doing. but i feel like i must get it off my chest. it’s honestly killing me inside.
the pain of knowing i can’t just look into that person’s eyes that i’ve had such strong feelings for and let them know there’s no one else out there for me is unbearable. we never had that chance to snuggle up on a cold night and making that memory last forever. we never had that chance to let our relationship blossom. i guess i feel like i have unfinished business. you were mine and i miss that.
don’t forget me love. don’t turn your back on what we once had. i’ll be in your own backyard soon enough. when you need me, i’ll be there. promise.
