a little piece of mind.

wash, rinse, repeat.

it’s interesting to witness how things can transform from one wonderful aspect to the complete opposite in such a short period of time. anything from courtships to friendships and all grounds in between. every word, every person, every fucking thing is temporary.

but sometimes life grants us a moment of utter bliss. that stretch of time where it seems like nothing can shake us and we actually feel strong. feels as though we are gliding upon ice. meanwhile, the beauty of the sun’s rays kissing the surface sends us into a blinding daze. too distracted to notice the problems trailing beneath the ice, we begin to believe they simply don’t exist anymore. that is until we stumble upon what is to be believed an insignificant little fracture on this path. but we are capable of shaking off that tiny rough spot and continue on our way. unbeknownst to us most of the time, the pressure of that little spill causes an impact deep below. slowly but surely, you’ll eventually find yourself desperately trying to survive the ice collapsing around you. a reunion for you and the problems you’ve pushed under. a rush of ice cold water gaining close behind and you realize it’s time to stop running.

embrace yourselves. that temporary happiness is going to fade along with the comfortable temperature of your body.

for everyone it’s different though. losing the battle with your problems that is.
as for me, i’ve finally hit the water. like sharks surrounding an injured seal, life and all the flaws speckled upon it has finally caught up to me. waiting for the perfect moment to strike, i sit in calmness and accept what this dose of reality has set out for me. 

the first to go is my temporarily enlightened heart. i’m going to miss the blissfulness it possessed. after that, it just won’t matter anymore. destined to be pulled down in the darkness with the rest of you heartbroken bastards until our lifeless bodies resurface. 

temporary life. momentary death. the cycle never ends. 


lacey renee walls. 

 

trial and error.

for years i never stopped and thought about what i really wanted out of a relationship or what i longed for in another. i’ve dated the sweetest of guys and the biggest douche bags.. a broad spectrum of loves that just failed over and over. i’ve never been completely content with another but i realized that the problem was in myself. i wasn’t happy with many aspects of my life and i was completely lost in this crazy ass world… but i have finally found myself. i know exactly who i am, what i believe, where i want to go and how i’m going to get there. 

i know i’m not ready for a specific commitment. i’m 20 years old and need to live alone and experience that limitless freedom. if i just so happen to cross paths with that perfect person for me, of course i’ll add them to the equation, but i shall not become hopeful. regrets are only a thing of the past. 

i find myself daydreaming about my match made in paradise. someone that can sing to me when i’m down and i’m able to get lost in their voice. someone who shares and tolerates my erratic taste in musical preference. i need someone whom i can impose my writings upon and they actually take complete interest in. i need someone who can catch and hold my attention; who can keep me on my toes.

excitement is a key ingredient and without it our relationship would be bland. spontaneous trips and events would happen monthly. a love of nature and animals is a passion we’d share and my family would be just as important as theirs. an involvement in spirituality is a quality i’d love immensely. but of all things, a calming factor to ease my soul is one thing i’ll always be searching for. a love for me to cherish.. i’ll be ever so patient. 

my goal is to not settle until i find the one who proves true to my heart. i refuse to develop a relationship my mind knows will fail. no wishful thinking, no hopes to be raised only to fall just as fast. a promise to myself and to the one i’ll end up with.. i await your embrace; no other will distract. 

til then, i’ll be lost in wonderland. 

lacey renee walls.

the great escape.

i sense a change in the wind embracing our presence.
i’m prepared to run away with you but time is of the essence.

the sky fades to black and the cold creeps upon us. 
that look in your eye convinces me this is far more than lust.

one kiss from you and my world becomes still where i stand. 
the cares disappear when you take hold of my hand.

i’ll be your bonnie if you promise to be my clyde.
as far as you wish to run, forever with you i will hide.

i pass over my heart; my love for you continues to grow.
you wanted a life partner, in myself that will show.

so let’s take the steps forward and get this thing started. 
give me your all and prove you’re wholehearted. 

walk with me until we fade from all’s view.
have i said enough to convince you i’m true?
everything i’ve ever wanted, i seem to have found it in you.
no need to say anything, i know you feel it too.

lacey renee walls.




 

a path worth exploring.

breathe. something i’m finding more difficult to accomplish as each second conveniently creeps into the past. with every slide of my story comes a transition i’m unable to play off as smoothly as i did before you came along. what is a girl who is beyond broken to do? just breathe. just believe. 

time. it took such a minimal amount for you to know you loved me. every effort you made i did my best to deflect it. the laughs, the smiles, the love, the compassion. your best show yet; a standing ovation is definitely in order. but i should have stayed true to myself and what i knew to be right. instead what did i decide? just breathe. just believe.

persistence. yours never failed. my heart once barricaded in ice was now being chiseled away with your ever longing persistence. a layer so thin was all that was left and you melted it away with false hopes and promises. if only i knew then what i know now. when thoughts of the past rise upon my thoughts of the present all i can think to do is follow steps one and two. just breathe. just believe.

addict. instead of yearning for the antidote that i thought was in you, i’m reaching for that needle. one hit to make me numb and i’ll be good for a while. as mere as hours can be, that’s all i need to stay sane. one hit and you can’t hurt me. the high is my escape and i never want to return. how will i survive like this? just breathe. just believe.

wasted. as you held my heart so, you must have forgot how delicate i warned you i was. i witnessed you crumble it into thousands of pieces as if it was made of air dried clay. what may have slipped your mind is you can make little cracks in a heart of ice but it’ll always be capable of sealing itself. you took down my shield and begged for the only thing i held dear. and i listened. i believed. but now, as i watch as the the dust from my heart settle i feel a coolness in the air once more. 

i’m stepping away with what’s left of my heart. awaiting the next ice storm and taking time to heal. to believe is all i have, but i’m living just to breathe. as strong as i know i am, i find myself aching for something more to keep breathing for. what is a girl who is beyond broken left to do?

just breathe. just believe.

lacey walls.